Great Church Humor

This supposedly came from a CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE> > ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING> > STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN> > RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.> >> > 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING> > THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.> >> > 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN> > OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.> >> > 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE> > DURING THE NIGHT.> >> > 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD> > TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.> >> > 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL> > LIKE DELILAH.> >> > 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.> >> > 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD> > WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS> >> > 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES> > WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.> >> > 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.> >> > 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.> >> > 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE> > HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.> >> > 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO> > STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.> >> > 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE> > FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.> >> > 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.> >> > 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA> > CARTA.> >> > 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND> > JESUS IN THE MANAGER.> >> > 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.> >> > 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.> >> > 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS> > BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY> > SWEAT ALONE.> >> > 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET> > THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.> >> > 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.> >> > 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.> >> > 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.> >> > 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH> > IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.> >> > 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.> >> >> > >